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By Annemie Nijs Parenting For Wholeness healing coach |
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Dear parent,
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Do you feel the same way I do? Do you ache in your heart each time you lose it with your child(ren)? Do you feel inadequate and unworthy of appreciation, because you can't live up to your ideals 100% of the time? I feel very deeply moved by something I've noticed in myself and in many fellow parents. We so want to give our children the very best, and we often feel guilty and ashamed whenever we fall short of our ideals. We suffer so much because of this, |
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and mostly in silence and solitude.
I feel for us. I offer every single parent my complete empathy and care, to heal from this pain in our hearts. (Click here or see below for practicalities relative to this.)
Let's take all the time we need to sit together and heal from this. Let's welcome all our painful feelings about this.
Here's my experience...
When our daughter was born nearly 5 years ago, I was bursting inside from all the ideals I had collected over the years, reading up on parenting. I was convinced I was going to parent differently, lovingly, peacefully. I was so motivated for this that I went to an extreme extent to fulfill my Continuum Concept ideals (based on the book by the same name by Jean Liedloff.) I overlooked my own needs in this process, even though I had spent the 10 previous years focusing on developing my self-love.
Becoming a mother was the ultimate challenge for my self-love. I can only be honest about it: I lost touch with much of it. I felt completely overwhelmed by motherhood, shaken upside-down. Puzzled by the contrast between my ideals and my reality. Other things happened in my life too, which made it even harder and more overwhelming.
Throughout these 5 years of motherhood, I regularly tried to reconnect with my self-love, because I felt an aching need for more acceptance and appreciation of myself as a parent. But it wasn't until I did 2 specific exercises in the Clean Parenting™ Program that something really clicked in me. I feel so grateful for this.
In these exercises we were invited to look at ourselves through the eyes of a dear friend, and write down what a friend would say about our parenting efforts. As I wrote down such kind and appreciating words to myself, I felt something healing inside of me. I felt my heart opening up to love again, and it became so clear that I want to treat myself with the same respect and love as my friends treat me.
I was touched by how often in the Clean Parenting™ Program Eliane spoke about these aching feelings of guilt and shame I had inside. It made me realize that I wasn't alone in this and it drew my attention to how
I feel for us. I offer every single parent my complete empathy and care, to heal from this pain in our hearts. (Click here or see below for practicalities relative to this.)
Let's take all the time we need to sit together and heal from this. Let's welcome all our painful feelings about this.
Here's my experience...
When our daughter was born nearly 5 years ago, I was bursting inside from all the ideals I had collected over the years, reading up on parenting. I was convinced I was going to parent differently, lovingly, peacefully. I was so motivated for this that I went to an extreme extent to fulfill my Continuum Concept ideals (based on the book by the same name by Jean Liedloff.) I overlooked my own needs in this process, even though I had spent the 10 previous years focusing on developing my self-love.
Becoming a mother was the ultimate challenge for my self-love. I can only be honest about it: I lost touch with much of it. I felt completely overwhelmed by motherhood, shaken upside-down. Puzzled by the contrast between my ideals and my reality. Other things happened in my life too, which made it even harder and more overwhelming.
Throughout these 5 years of motherhood, I regularly tried to reconnect with my self-love, because I felt an aching need for more acceptance and appreciation of myself as a parent. But it wasn't until I did 2 specific exercises in the Clean Parenting™ Program that something really clicked in me. I feel so grateful for this.
In these exercises we were invited to look at ourselves through the eyes of a dear friend, and write down what a friend would say about our parenting efforts. As I wrote down such kind and appreciating words to myself, I felt something healing inside of me. I felt my heart opening up to love again, and it became so clear that I want to treat myself with the same respect and love as my friends treat me.
I was touched by how often in the Clean Parenting™ Program Eliane spoke about these aching feelings of guilt and shame I had inside. It made me realize that I wasn't alone in this and it drew my attention to how
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much I was hurting as a parent.
My eyes were opened for the innocence of my desperate attempts to be the best parent I could be, and my heart felt warm love and care again for my own pain. Over the next months, as I spent more time in Eliane's groups, sharing my journey with other parents, I realized how incredibly important it is to love, accept and appreciate myself as a parent. It's important to me for 2 reasons: because I deserve to love and appreciate myself and accept the mistakes I make without beating myself up for it and because all this guilt and shame greatly interferes with my ability to parent from my heart. I can't give love when I'm hurting inside. |
But in this writing I want to focus on the first reason, because I notice time and again, that we overlook our on fragile need to be loved and accepted and appreciated.
Dear parent,
Now that I've shared my own journey,
I want to open up the space for you.
Here is warm love for you, for your tender heart, which is brave enough to aspire to parenting in a way you probably never experienced yourself.
Here is gentleness for you, who feels so bad each time you fall short of your ideals. I love Eliane's experience, which is slowly becoming my own experience, which is that mistakes are OK and don't ruin our children. I so appreciate having learned valuable teachings about parenting, which allow me to be human and to be myself and to finally feel that this is enough. That me, who has so many problems, can still be a great parent and raise a confident and strong child.
Here is appreciation for you, however you parent, whatever the results of your parenting are, no matter how often you lose it, I still appreciate you for who you are, for the courage in your heart to open yourself up to growing, which is not easy at all.
Here I hold you with all the warmth I have, you who are totally overwhelmed and can't seem to find your way through it all. I have my share of feeling overwhelmed. It has at times been one of the most permanent feelings in my life. Lately things are better, as things got more in balance in my life and I have more time to myself again. But boy have I been there! From this experience I encourage you to take your needs seriously and to look for support, in whatever way works for you. Having the support I need makes a tremendous difference in my life. I feel like I can finally breathe again.
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Here is acceptance for you who seems to get triggered at each step of the way. I very tenderly reach out to you to say: if you are like me, you probably blame yourself for getting triggered so often and wonder why you can't get it all together faster, so that you can move forward. Dear dear beautiful human, I wish that one day you can see the long road you have walked, the miles you've crossed from the pain you were in towards healing and love. You are not to blame. All your triggered reactions are nothing to be ashamed of. You are hurting like I am and I invite you to open up to loving and embracing yourself and start taking care of your own needs and wounds, because you deserve this delicate care.
With all my love, Annemie © copyright Annemie Nijs |
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Do you feel like bathing in healing words, through a private exchange with Annemie?
It's possible!
Click here for a sneak peak at Annemie's upcoming book, 'Will this insecure feeling inside ever change?', and for information on her BRAND NEW program, Healing Writing with Annemie.
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