what is possible with a spirited child and working with eliane

I asked a recent Clean Parenting program graduate if she'd be willing to talk with someone with a highly spirited child who was considering doing my program. She forwarded me what she wrote to her following their exchange and gave me permission to publish it, to help give people an understanding of what's possible for a SPIRITED CHILD and through working with me.


"S has always been intense. I was intensely sick during my pregnancy and my daughter S had terrible screaming colic and was an extremely frequent waker (every 1-2 hours until she was 2.5ish? And only recently have we had some stints of sleeping thru). The sleep disturbances felt like my brain would melt out of my skull. Parenting ain't for the weak!

I began Eliane's program after reaching a really low point this past summer, when we were having extreme screaming enraged meltdowns every 2 hours overnight (like midnight, 2am, 4am, and again at 6am). We were also seeing big meltdowns (throwing, hitting, screaming, running away in public, middle of the night epic screaming meltdowns, you name it), intense sensory aversions, potty accidents, whining, low frustration tolerance, interrupting, extreme willfulness and resistance. It was a lot.

I knew I was getting in my own way, I could see myself reacting in the moment and causing S to escalate but I felt so helpless because I didn't know what else to do in those moments. So I knew I was exacerbating all this, I needed help getting rid of all the junk in my head that got in the way of enjoying my daughter.

I had come across Eliane's work when S was still an infant and referenced her articles often, so I felt like I had a pretty good grasp of what kind of parent I wanted to be. I had been aware of Eliane's programs for a few years, but I was honestly a bit skeptical she could help me because I already felt pretty on top of it, you know? And I was scared because I felt I was already actively in burnout, so I feared that such a program would expect me to add *even more* to my plate coming out of it.

But this summer I was so desperate that I contacted Eliane anyway, and I am so relieved and thrilled and happy I did!

She is amazing and gave me the missing tools to be the parent I wanted to be and S needed me to be. S will always be a bigger more intense spirited personality, will always be sensitive and simply *need* more from her parents, but now the pressure is so much less and I'm so much less taxed by our days together. I used to dread spending time with her because it was so incredibly draining, but now I look forward to her coming home from school because she is so fun now!

And simply going through the program has alleviated a ton of our challenges. Eliane's program is really cleverly crafted, and showed me exactly how the baggage and crap I'm bringing to the table is 99.9% the problem. The program also gave me all the tools and healing I needed to handle all the things S throws my way on a daily basis. Like, the chaos still happens, but now I'm confident a solution exists and we will find it. Our household is still busy and chaotic but it's much more peaceful and balanced. I can't articulate clearly enough the turnaround we had, but I'm so much more relaxed and untaxed, and in turn S is much less reactive.

How the program can shift things that have been cycles for a long time in such a short period of time:

One of the most valuable things about the program for me personally was the comprehensive nature of the modules. Like, as a human being, there are things you know (knowns), things you know you don't know (known unknowns), and then things you don't know you don't know (unknown unknowns).

This program very cleverly walked us through all these parenting aspects with guided information and deep questions, and it was immediately obvious where your (unknown unknown) parenting and relationship gaps were. And it also deeply expanded on the items that were known and known unknowns to a level that really deepened my understanding and made the puzzle pieces connect more smoothly. I thought I was a pretty committed and fully rounded parent but I was shocked to find some very glaring gaps that were the missing pieces in my parenting and also relationships with others. Those gaps that, now that I was aware of them and had workshopped them with Eliane via the module work, and even if I wasn't skilled at it yet, just my awareness was enough to shift the dynamic in a very positive direction.

And my daughter responded instantly! She seemed primed to relax and soften as soon as I began parenting "correctly". She was so reactive as a defensive and protective mechanism to my incorrect interactions with her, and the absence of those poor interactions instantly made her protective resistance disappear too. I imagine with an older child you may need a bit to build back some trust, but a child is wired to be guided by their parents and as soon as you begin to showcase these shifts a child almost can't help but respond positively!!

About Eliane's personal healing sessions (one of which comes with the Clean Parenting program:)

How do I even describe the weird magic that happens??!? I waited until the end of the program to do my healing session and I'm glad I did, because some of the last modules uncovered some of my deeper wounds that were causing me to react defensively towards my daughter and drove my "incorrect" ways of interacting. I think after doing such a deep dive with Eliane over the last few months I really developed a lot of trust with her, so when she invited me to think about some painful inner work stuff, it just randomly started pouring out of me?! Like I'm normally a pretty buttoned up reserved individual so it really took me off guard that I "went there" so easily. And it felt so nice and welcomed and Eliane just has this magic energy that makes you feel completely comfortable and welcome and safe, and that energy just helps your subconscious actually feel the full feelings and process it fully. She helps you with small unobtrusive prompts if you seem to be getting stuck.

I've been in therapy for 10 years but I feel like a big chunk of ouchiness I've been carrying my whole life shrunk to the size of a pebble with that one session??! Like I said, Eliane is a magician

My best advice for the healing sessions is that feelings are not scary and they change into adaptation only by facing and feeling them fully and letting your body process them. That is one of my big lessons from the program, is *how* to feel feelings and welcome them for both myself and my daughter. I saw the power of confronting and allowing and processing scary emotions like anger with my daughter's meltdowns and suddenly her meltdowns were not a big deal to me, it was like a ho-hum shrug, okay let's do this, energy instead of fearful and trying to squash it. And S is a pro now at feeling and processing and moving past big emotions like anger and frustration now after only like 2 months of me being somewhat competent at welcoming her emotions!

Ok that went a bit off track, but circling back to the healing session: I learned that humans need to deeply FEEL the gunk before it can transform into something manageable and/or problem solving. And you can only allow yourself to FEEL or experience vulnerable emotions with someone you deeply trust. And Eliane is just really good at diving deep with you as part of the program and never letting you feel shame for even the darkest thoughts so my trust in her developed very quickly. And because I trusted her, I could go immediately to my core wound/unmet need and REALLY process it and release it. I've never experienced something like that and it was so incredibly shocking and powerful. I'm not a woo woo person whatsoever but whatever Eliane did worked amazing!

Recommendation for the program:

My recommendation is to go really really deep into the modules, really prioritize keeping on top of the modules and deeply thinking about the questions. I decided to just go for it and ignore my discomfort with feeling vulnerable and exposed. I was desperate for things to change so that helped me get over my discomfort. You get out of the program what you put in. Some folks in my cohort didn't go as deep and kept it more superficial, and they didn't see the big changes that I did. My goal was to give Eliane as much information and context and insight into my inner experience as I possibly could so she could help me really get to the root of all my gunk.

The program is hard work. And is long! 3 months of almost daily intensive thinking plus responding to Eliane's comments. But it is so so so worth the investment. I temporarily set aside a lot of things in my life to make room for this and really prioritized it and I'm so so so glad I did."

How does reading my new friend's experience feel to you? 

Did you feel some hope of possibly also being able to much more easily, smoothly and joyfully parenting your spirited child?

Would you like to be able to tell your own similar story by summer time? Are you wondering if this could possibly work for you as well?

If you deeply resonate with what I talk about in my work and this mom describes here, you most likely WILL be able to write your own heartwarming story to inspire my readers in a few months!

IF you're willing to put in the same work she did. 

It IS very intensive work. It takes your willingness to dive deep for 3 months and invest lots of time and some money.

But it is way more work to parent without the kind of clarity, alignment, connection and skills that come from clean parenting! And with deep wounds being constantly activated.

And the results from this work!! You and your children and generations to come will experience its benefits in ways you can't even yet fathom. The ripples from it are endless.

You do NOT have to struggle through parenting. There is a path out of that struggle and to the ease, flow and harmony described in today's stories.

Fill out the form below if you too would like my help in achieving it (I have a Clean Parenting group that just started and is waiting for you if your time is now!) I would love to guide you to YOUR family's harmony, as I have hundreds of parents in the 37 times I've run this program.

I really REALLY hope that you get from these mama stories I share that parenting does NOT have to be hard! 

And that you commit yourself to achieving the ease that is possible, whatever your path to it may be.

You and your children deserve that. 

Lots of love,

​If you want my help in achieving what my new friend described above, in attaining the ease, flow and harmony I call Family Homeostasis, I would LOVE to work with you! ♥

Please fill out this questionnaire and the sign up form below and I'll contact you to set up a time to chat to determine the best way to get you there.

I have a Clean Parenting group that just got started and in which I still have a few spots, and I'd love to have you join us if this work is right for you! 
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