By Eliane - Founder, Parenting For Wholeness
Would you ever talk to your children the way you talk to yourself?
Would you ever treat them the way you treat yourself?
Do you want them to learn to treat themselves in the way you treat yourself?
Most of us are SO hard on ourselves!
Even in peaceful parenting circles, where moms know in their bones that their children are innately good, and that any misbehavior comes from an unmet need, they somehow fail to apply this truth to themselves.
Do you ever ask yourself WHY you do things that aren't in alignment with your ideals or your goals?
Or do you jump right to judging yourself, beating yourself up, and 'shoulding' yourself?
Chances are that if you've been following my work, you're aware that whenever a child 'misbehaves,' there's a reason for it. And that as parents, our job is to identify the cause so we can address it.
It's even possible that right now, on your fridge, is my Checklist of 10 Questions To Ask When Your Child Misbehaves... so you can respond positively, respectfully and effectively. (If you don't yet have it, you can click the button below to request it.)
But what about YOU?
If it's true for your children that their 'misbehaviors' are caused by unmet needs or lack of information, support, connection, etc, doesn't it make sense that it's the same for you?!?
Of course it is!!!
Though all parents who sign up for my Clean Parenting™ Program do so to be better parents to their children, a large part of my work with them is to support them in connecting with their own feelings and needs, and attending to them as much as they attend to their children's.
Because only when you honor yourself can you have access to the groundedness, clarity and your inner guidance which are needed for you to be the parent you want to be.
And only when you're connected to yourself can you be the clear benevolent leader that your children need to thrive.
So I've decided to create a Checklist for YOU, similar as the one I created for children's behaviors.
I hope you download it and use it to help you give yourself the same understanding and support you give your children.
12 Things to Look At Instead of Judging Yourself…
when you’ve ‘messed up’ or fallen short of your ideals
✔ Had you previously been ignoring your feelings and needs?
✔ Were your expectations of yourself realistic in this situation?
✔ Did you have a need that wasn’t being met and caused you to react in this way?
✔ Have you had the proper support, information and training to be able to deal with this situation effectively?
✔ Was your painful baggage activated and preventing you from reacting in a grounded way?
✔ Were you sitting with an emotion or experience that needed to be processed?
✔ Are you trying to please someone and meet their ideals instead of following your own values?
✔ Am you trying to make yourself into who you think you should be instead of accepting and honoring yourself just as you intrinsically are?
✔ Are you talking to yourself as though you’re on your team? Being kind and understanding?
✔ Are you modeling to your children how you want them to learn to treat themselves?
✔ Are you forgetting that you’re innately good and usually behave in accordance with your values when your needs are met and you have proper support?
✔ How can you address the root cause of your behavior instead of trying to control the symptom? The way you would with your children?
(If this list resonates with you, you can download a pdf version of this one as well, which you can reference whenever you're tempted to be unkind to yourself.)
It is my firm belief that we are all innately good and well-intentioned. And that as parents, we’re deserving of the same things we strive to give our children.
Our responsibility to ourselves, just like to our children, is to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, and to learn to attend to our feelings and needs so that we’re able to be the beautiful, happy and compassionate human beings that we innately are.
And as we do so, we automatically become better, kinder and more effective parents to our children.
If you'd like support in fully meeting yours and your children's needs, and in becoming the parent you long to be, look into my Clean Parenting™ program.
For support in learning to parent in a way that fully honors yourself as well as your children, check out my Clean Parenting™ Program.