While talking with Sarah this evening, I was hit by the heartbreak and loneliness that’s inherent in the path she’s chosen.
Like a large number of the people who are drawn to my work, Sarah came to me because she shares the parenting intention I had raising my daughters: she is committed to obliterating the generational pattern of dysfunction in her family. She is committed to her daughter never having to experience even a smidgen of what she did as child.
Yes, it can be done. My grown daughters are a living proof of it. They are free of all the addictions, low self-worth, dysfunctional relationships, etc, that plague all my siblings and I. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that Sarah’s daughter will be free of all that as well.
And yes, it’s wonderful and incredibly rewarding to have been able to successfully break this long pattern that’s present in both my parents’ families.
And I’m so so so grateful that all my daughters are free of the pain I still struggle to live through!
But there are unique challenges for those of us who have committed ourselves to this Herculean task.
Here are some of the things many of us have to live with, as our children grow up, especially in the early years of parenthood:
And here’s something I shared with an incredibly brave and committed young mom in my Clean Parenting™ Program today. A bit of insight from a mom who’s made it through parenting and done loads of emotional healing work. This may apply to you as well if you’re resonated with this article so far:
“It is mind boggling to me what you've been able to do, given your history. You are incredibly strong, courageous and wise. I see in you something that a therapist has called in me a drive to wholeness. Even though we never received what we're trying to give our children, and even though we came from shit, a part of us for some reason knows what's possible. Has a vision or at least an inkling of what's whole and right, and we will not stop until we find it.
It's not an easy journey. We fall, lose it, go into depression. And then we somehow find our strength, fight, make headway, and release some of the baggage.
Something I accepted in the past 2 years is that this is just my life journey. I'll likely never have the smooth, peaceful and reliably productive life I long for. Because of my past and because I'm an HSP (highly sensitive person,) those ups and downs are par for the course for me. Accepting it and being compassionate to myself, and cutting myself lots of slack when those lows happen has removed some of the edge of the pain for me.
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WANT SUPPORT? I offer several programs to support moms both in parenting in alignment with their values, and in healing the trauma from their childhood. If you're interested in working with me, email me at Eliane@ParentingForWholeness.com, and we'll schedule a free 30 minute Strategy Session.
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