As a result of this new focus, I've been talking with and working with a lot more parents.
And I’m realizing that there’s something that I've mastered and am able to share and help parents with which most people are either not familiar with or struggle to put into practice. Something which I believe might very well be THE key in having TRULY HAPPY CHILDREN AND HARMONY IN FAMILIES. And the absence of which is the root problem of the majority of questions that mothers ask me.
It’s about positioning ourselves as being in charge with our children, but in a completely respectful, attuned and non-manipulative way.
What Jean Liedloff in The Continuum Concept talked about in terms of being a leader with our children. (Click here for a description of The Continuum Concept, and here for a discussion on being a leader.)
What we almost exclusively see in our society is either authoritarian or child centered and permissive parenting.
Most people unfortunately aren't even aware that there’s another option.
So they waver between the two approaches. They spend a lot of time in the permissive and child centered realm, out of a deep desire to:
… not harm their children
… not do to their children what was done to them
… honor their wholeness and their spirits
But then chaos sometimes (or often!) reigns in their families. Out of exasperation and powerlessness, parents end up shouting and punishing (or using time-outs, removal of privileges, or other positive sounding forms of punishment.) They feel damned if they do and damned if they don’t. That they have to choose between (possibly) well-behaved children and order in their home OR being nurturing.
They don’t know that…
THERE IS A THIRD OPTION!!!
I've yet to come up with words which succinctly and accurately represent what that option is (I would LOVE some suggestions if you have some) but here’s what it is:
our unmet needs to a way that’s in harmony with human nature.
We are biologically wired to parent that way. If we weren’t and children had always been either running wild or rebelling against authority, mankind would not have survived. Therefore all that’s needed is to clear what’s in our way of organically parenting instinctually, lovingly and effectively.
I’ll be writing about this topic in my next blog post, but right now I want to leave you with some hope around this. Though the deep healing work of our own unmet needs can take time, I’ve found that unhooking it from our parenting can be remarkably fast.
Here’s an experience I had with a mom recently, which illustrates it:
She was experiencing an ongoing struggle with her son which was deeply affecting her family life. During a session, we identified how that struggle was connected to what she experienced as a child. I lead her to connect with it emotionally, and we did some healing work on it. Though that session did not complete the healing of the childhood experience (this will be an ongoing process,) it did disconnect it from how she was playing it out with her son. And the intense struggles that she was having with him DID disappear overnight and have remained cleared for a few months now.
Do you resonate with this article?
Then I encourage you to strongly consider participating in my Clean Parenting™ Program!
A large focus of it is on clarifying, clearing your obstacles to and building your leadership attitude so that you can also have ease in your family! You can read of parents' experience of it on the program page.
Click here for information on it and to register!
Did you get value from this article? Would you like to give back? If so I would be incredibly grateful if you could share this article on your Facebook wall with a comment about one thing you found valuable in it. Or email it to a friend. I would LOVE help spreading the word about my work to people who could be positively impacted by it!
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12/18/2013 02:02:43 pm
There is a 3rd parenting style I'm aware of: The Authoritative Parent. It has been described as the best combination of love and discipline. This kind of parent is authoritative — not an overbearing authoritarian, but a compassionate yet firm authority. They have clear boundaries but are also very loving. Everyone knows who the boss is, but there's also a connection between parents and child, a consideration that respects and honors who the child is while not compromising his or her disciplinary needs. The result is a child high in self-esteem and equipped with good coping skills.
12/20/2013 01:40:08 am
Is this what you follow and works for you Adrienne?
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