I want to address a special group of moms today, women who are very dear to my heart.
Through my work, I get to connect with many new moms who at this point have only one child, a young one, 2 years old or younger.
These moms are deeply committed to peaceful parenting. What they see most parents do doesn’t feel right to them, and they’re looking for a different way. They’re doing their work, reading, joining groups of like-minded moms, learning to trust (and at times even uncover) their instincts.
And yet often, they lose it with their beloved children. They find themselves screaming at them, sometimes even hitting them. Doing things that seem unimaginable to any peaceful person who has not experienced living with a child, especially attachment parented and being a stay-at-home mom, being with that child every moment of every day, 24/7, month after month after month.
You know what, you wonderful mamas?
It takes TIME to find your way with parenting.
It takes TIME to acclimate to being responsible for another human being.
It takes TIME to acclimate to never being alone, to ‘you’ now meaning you and your child.
It takes TIME to changes your responses when your shit takes over, when you’re triggered or your defenses are down for any reason.
Though many see me as a role model when it comes to mothering, I’ve done many of those unimaginable things you judge yourself for, to my oldest daughter Cassandra, when she was young. (You can read about some of those here.)
It was freakin’ hard finding my way to being the mom I wanted to be!
Re-wiring my responses which were initially the ones my parents used with me.
Learning to parent effectively.
Dissolving my incredible drive to control her.
Eliminating the part of me that JUST WANTED HER TO OBEY!
That just wanted her to do what *I* learned to do as a child: mold myself into someone who wouldn’t cause my parents trouble, and who would certainly never embarrass them in public.
It’s not to say that parents of older children or multiple children don’t also lose it, but for many there’s a certain ease that ends up developing.
And we’re also much less likely targets for all the unsolicited advice and criticisms that all too often gets rudely lavished on new moms.
Those first years are really hard.
Just go easy on yourself mama.
Trust your instincts that guide you to parent peacefully.
Get the support you need to learn how to do it if it doesn’t come easily. (I’ve created 2 programs that are highly effective in taking peaceful parenting from theory to day-to-day reality in your family.)
Get LOTS of support from like-minded people. Ideally in person. I highly encourage you to commit yourself to creating a community. It may take months or years to create, but it is possible.
And meanwhile, find online communities that will support you. Where you can be fully yourself. Where you can share each thing you do that horrifies you, be held in love and acceptance, be reminded that you’re normal and only doing this because your own needs are unmet, and be supported in doing your work.
And trust the process. If you’re committed to it and get the support you need, you WILL get to an ever better place in your parenting.
Reach what my goals are for you: to experience the ease and harmony of family homeostasis, to live and parent from a place of presence and connection to your own guidance, to trust yourself.
And know that your children are likely much more resilient than you think.
THE most important thing you can do for them (besides of course providing them food and shelter from the elements) is supporting them in developing a healthy sense of self. Everything else comes a far second. The way you treat them, the majority of the time, is what creates that sense of self.
Healing the occasional traumatic experiences you inflict on them is really easy (once you know how) when they have a good sense of self, and a good and safe connection with their mama.
And this is what you’re working toward every day, and likely doing a much more awesome job at than you give yourself credit for.
Keep putting in the work and reaching for support when you need it. Though there's so much value put in self-sufficiency in our society, knowing our limits and when to ask for help are a sign of true maturity.
And if you resonate with my writing and would like my support in connecting to your inner guidance and living the ideal I wrote about (you can read many testimonials of moms like you who have reached it here,) I'd LOVE to work with you! See below for info on my program, and email me if you're interested in chatting about if it'd be right for you.
I hope I've inspired you to be a whole lot gentler on yourself, dear mama, to hold on to your vision of what's possible, and to get the support you need, whatever that looks for you. ♥
Lots of love,
For a discussion of 4 key principles I work with moms on integrating to achieve family homeostasis, request my FREE report,
The Almost Magical Formula For Surprising Ease and Harmony in Your Family While Fully Honoring Your Children’s Spirits.
CLEAN PARENTING™ PROGRAM
Would you love to be fully connected to your inner guidance and know what you're doing, moment to moment?
Would you love to create a life for yourself where yourself as well as your children are thriving? Where all your needs are met?
Where you are finally consistently the mom you want to be for your children, and feel confident that your children will grow up to be emotionally healthy and whole?